"Celebration of Love" Day Four - My Fellow Walden's Baristas

I was challenged by Amanda Barone to participate in a seven-day "Celebration of Love." Being the idealist that I am, I took the liberty of altering the conditions of the "challenge" before passing it on (read more here).  I'm inviting those I tag to spend seven days celebrating anyone who makes your life richer -- your friends, your kids, your siblings, your co-workers, and sure, your spouse!  Or, do nothing except know that I am celebrating you!

Today I am tagging Jaime Meyer and Nate Capps.

Several years ago I began to realize how much I loved the atmosphere of locally owned coffee shops, so it was a bit of a dream last March when I got a job as a barista at Walden's Coffeehouse.  I had gotten to know one of the owners when a reading group I was in used to meet there on a weekly basis, and she was willing to take a chance on me despite the fact I had no experience.  Thankfully, I picked up on things quickly, and though it had its stressful moments (just like any other job), I LOVED working there.  I really adored a lot of the people I got to know during my time at Walden's, but I had particularly strong connections with Jaime and Nate.

They both, along with Nate's sweet wife, Cherish, graciously volunteered their time & talents during
our wedding, recording the events on camera and also contributing artwork for the backgrounds; but their greatest gift has been their friendship.

I didn't know Jaime at all until she became a barista at Walden's, but we got along so well.  She happens to be another INFJ (I seem to know an inordinate number of them, considering how rare this personality type is!) and she quickly became one of those people I knew I could talk to about anything and find a sympathetic listening ear.

As far as Nate goes, it is crazy now to think that I used to visit Walden's as a customer and see him behind the counter, never dreaming we'd one day be such good friends.  We concluded pretty early on that we are just "cut from the same cloth," and last time Eric & I saw him we drove away talking about how easy it is to be around him.  Nate & Cherish, who got married only a few months before we did, recently found out they're expecting a baby girl and I could not be more excited for them!

It blows my mind when I think about how easily I could have gone my whole life without ever meeting some of the people who have come to mean so much to me.  Thanks to Mandy for giving me that chance as a barista...it has brought blessings I'm confident will last the rest of my life.

"Celebration of Love" Day Three - Bridesmaids

I was challenged by Amanda Barone to participate in a seven-day "Celebration of Love." Being the idealist that I am, I took the liberty of altering the conditions of the "challenge" before passing it on (read more here).  I'm inviting those I tag to spend seven days celebrating anyone who makes your life richer -- your friends, your kids, your siblings, your co-workers, and sure, your spouse!  Or, do nothing except know that I am celebrating you!

Today I am tagging my incredible bridesmaids.  I honestly could not have asked for a better group of friends to stand beside me on my wedding day -- and that is to say, I could not have asked for a better group of friends to have been an integral part of my life during the years leading up to that day.

Erin was one of my very first friends in Reno.  Cassidy & I first got to know her when we spent the summer of 2004 there because all three of us were helping with the youth group at the church my parents began attending after they moved to Reno.  Little did we know she & Cassidy would fall in love & marry just a few years later!  I was so happy to have her become an official part of our family, and I've loved getting to know and share life with her family as well.  One of my greatest joys in life has been becoming an auntie to the three adorable boys Erin & Cassidy have had over the past few years.  We have shared so, so many memories in the years since Erin & I became friends, from sleepovers to youth group trips to movie nights (which we often both sleep through lol) to family vacations, and I am so grateful to know we still have a whole lifetime ahead to make more!

Cloe' was only in the sixth grade when I first got to know her!  She became a part of the youth group a few months later and I had the honor of being one of her youth leaders for the next several years.  She knew how much I longed to be married and saw me go through some pretty big disappointments along the way, and at other times I saw her go through her own trials; but as much as I always hoped to be an encouragement to her as her youth leader, she proved through the years to be every bit as much an encouragement to me.   It has been amazing watching her grow into a beautiful, caring, mature young woman, and I am so proud to call her my friend.

My first memory of Jeni involves her being introduced to my mom's famous mac & cheese, which she has loved ever since, and her being amused at my or Cassidy's (I can't remember which) southern pronunciation of "Ju-ly."  We quickly became good friends and, though we've had our ups & downs, our friendship has endured for almost 10 years now (and counting).  Jeni is truly one of the funniest people I know.  She is fiercely protective of the people she loves, and while life has thrown some real challenges her way, she has always managed to fight her way back to wholeness & joy.  She inspires me and I love who she is.

Of all my bridesmaids, my friendship with Alina is actually the "youngest."  Though we had gone to church together for years, we only really got to know each other about four years ago (I think...).  We had both recently gone through breakups and we each found it refreshing to have someone in a similar boat with whom to commiserate.  Though our friendship had grown considerably by the time we took our first road trip together, I was still a little nervous just because we had never spent that much time together one-on-one.  We made our way to Portland (her first trip there, my second), though, and by the time we got home I'd discovered that Alina was one of the absolute best travel companions I'd ever had.  We had both fallen in love with Portland and ended up making several more trips to there together, and now that I live here I'm particularly thrilled to be able to say she just moved to Vancouver this past weekend!  It's going to be so wonderful having one of my best friends less than an hour away!  Alina is one of the most generous people I know, constantly giving her time & talents to help people around her.  It is a great gift to count her among my closest friends.


Before I get to my dear MOH, I want to mention two other amazing women who also would have been bridesmaids if they didn't live across the country.

My friendship with Judy goes back almost as far as my friendship with Erin.  She's another one I got to know initially because we served together as youth leaders.  She became one of my best friends through the years.  I can't count how many Saturday evenings I spent over at her place, eating True New York pizza, playing with her kitties, and watching (or sleeping through) movies.  When she moved back to New York in 2014 I got to drive across the country with her and then spend several days getting a taste of the area where she grew up.  Judy is one of the most faithful friends I've ever had and I miss being able to hang out with her on a regular basis.

Anna & I go back much further than anyone else on this list -- all the way back to first grade!  It's amazing to think she has been a part of my life for almost THIRTY YEARS.  One of favorite weeks ever took place in June of 2007 when Anna & her mom flew out to Reno and went on a road trip with me & my mom to San Francisco, Yosemite National Park, and Las Vegas.  It was crazy covering that much ground in just a few days but we saw so many amazing sights, laughed like crazy, and had the greatest time together.  I treasure the memories of our "Wild West Tour."  We don't keep in touch super regularly but we also know we each can send the other a text out of the blue asking for prayer for absolutely anything without any fear of judgment.  I am so thankful for her friendship that has endured all this time.

Now finally, my Maid of Honor, Jessie Marie.  I actually met Jessie the same day Anna & her mom arrived in Reno in 2007.  She was visiting our youth group with a friend, and I never could have dreamed at that time that we would go on to become what she has come to refer to as "soul friends" and would even share a home for a little over two years.  Jessie & I are both INFJs and, as such, we somehow just "get" each other in a way few, if any, other people ever have.  I feel like we've both learned so much about ourselves since we first became friends, and it seems we've offered each other a safe place to process that ongoing journey.  We have shared so much together -- coffee dates & dinners & walks & movies & drives & frustrations & sadness & joy & silliness & holidays & times with family & on & on & on.  We have prayed & danced & consumed peppermint hot chocolate & had sleepovers in our living room.  She has made me laugh and she has seen me cry.  We've witnessed each other at our worst and at our best.  I cannot say enough about what her friendship has meant to me.  I am forever grateful we got to share life in a daily context for the 2+ years leading up to my marriage, and I will cherish those memories and her friendship for the rest of my life.

These are some of the most amazing women I have ever known and I am so, so grateful each one of them has been a part of my story.

"Celebration of Love" Day Two - The Coffeebar Crew

I was challenged by Amanda Barone to participate in a seven-day "Celebration of Love." Being the idealist that I am, I took the liberty of altering the conditions of the "challenge" before passing it on (read more here).  I'm inviting those I tag to spend seven days celebrating anyone who makes your life richer -- your friends, your kids, your siblings, your co-workers, and sure, your spouse!  Or, do nothing except know that I am celebrating you!

Today I'm tagging Jordan, Garrett, and Lydia.  We've spent quite a few Thursday mornings at Coffeebar with this crew, talking about any number of random topics, but the highlight for me was always anticipating the inevitable moment Jordan would give a disclaimer about how a forthcoming question was going to be personal or awkward.  The questions were never actually that bad, but the announcements were always entertaining!  Eric & I both love these three and miss getting to spend time with them on a regular basis.  Thanks to each of you for adding joy to our lives!

"Celebration of Love" Day One - Welcome to the Party

I was 34 years old when I finally married a very dear man last November.  Our story was not the sort of sweet, romantic fairy tale people love to watch & celebrate as it unfolds over time.  It was, rather, one born of heartache as I watched someone who was already a dear friend go through a extraordinarily painful year of loss in both his career & his marriage.

I had long dreamed of having love grow out of a friendship, but these were by no means the kind of circumstances under which I'd imagined that happening.  It wasn't cute; it was messy and inconvenient.  But it is our story.

To be sure, we had friends who celebrated the love that grew between us, but at the same time, divorce & remarriage can be sticky issues when you're coming from evangelical subculture.  We knew some folks would be hesitant (or would simply refuse) to rejoice in our relationship.  We knew that would be part of the cost.  But we both believe in a God who makes beautiful things out of dust, and we firmly believe ours, while not fitting the typical evangelical storyboard for marriage, is nonetheless a testimony of God's grace and a wonderful story of healing & redemption for two wounded people.

Before my friendship with Eric took that unexpected turn, I spent years & years aching to share my life with someone and wondering what was wrong with me that I continued to remain single.  Though I'm certain no one ever intended to make me feel excluded, it became increasingly difficult not to feel like an outsider as more friends & family members married their sweethearts with each passing year while I continued to go unpursued or, worse, rejected.  Churches seem forever to be bent on forming groups specifically for young married people, and each time something like that was suggested during my 10+ years working as a church staff member it felt like one more twist of the knife reminding me I was not like most of my peers.

I wasn't paying much attention when I first started to see this "Celebration of Love and Promotion of Marriage" challenge pop up in my Facebook news feed several weeks ago, but as the posts began to spread through various circles of friends I started to think someone might tag me.  However, there came a point at which my apparent failure to warrant a "nomination" took me back to that old feeling of being an outsider.  I might finally be at the party, but that didn't guarantee I'd be fully accepted, perhaps especially since my story was messy, not of the fairy tale variety.

I don't say this to shame anyone but to explain that the sting reminded me that I never wanted to forget what it was to feel like an outsider because I never wanted to slip unintentionally into behaviors that would cause others to feel that way.  So this morning when I finally DID get "nominated" to participate, I first felt grateful (thank you, thank you, Mandy!), and I then felt compelled to exercise some initiative and make my own tweaks to the challenge as I pass it on.

Because I know people who have beautiful, thriving marriages, but I know other people who continue to face year after year without finding the love they ache for.  People who have been through stupid divorces that were not their fault.  People who have come out of abusive relationships.  People who are hanging on by a thread while their spouse has checked out.

If you happen to be one of these people:  You are not forgotten.  You are seen.  You are loved.

And you are hereby invited to join in this "Celebration of Love."

Love comes in many different forms.  It is not only evidenced in marriage.  While I am, in fact, beginning by posting a photo of my husband & me -- because indeed he is a wonderful gift in my life and absolutely worth celebrating -- I will also be posting pictures over the next six days of additional people whose love & friendship have made my life richer.  And I invite those I tag to do the same.  Spend seven days celebrating anyone who makes your life richer -- your friends, your kids, your siblings, your co-workers, and sure, your spouse!  Because they are ALL worth celebrating.

And YOU are worth celebrating.

Welcome to the party!

Today I'm tagging our friends Hank & Deetz.  Although I've only met Hank a couple of times, and I've never met Deetz in person, and Eric has never met either of them face-to-face, these crazy interwebz seem to have given us a couple of kindred spirits in them, and I'm often reminded of how thankful I am for their [virtual] presence in our lives!

(Also, for the record, if not one single person I tag over the next seven days decides to participate, I won't be the least bit offended!)

Emerging, Part 2

Tuesday, June 30, 2015

I've found myself frustrated on multiple occasions lately with the way I observe people judging others from a distance.  This sort of uninformed judgment-making is commonplace in today's world -- perhaps especially so in America where we're conditioned to exalt the independence of the self, and even more so in the church where so many of us have been taught to fear those who might "lead us astray."  For the sake of self-preservation, in whatever form that might take, we close our eyes and ears and minds and, most grievously, our hearts, to anyone who thinks or sees the world differently than we do.

It is this sort of prideful arrogance that assumes we've better figured things out than another person -- and subsequently leads us to separate "us" from "them" -- that created the chaos in our church last year.  It's not that a conviction that one way is "right" or "better" is bad.  It is precisely this sort of conviction that guides us all in our daily lives, that informs the choices we make, whether that conviction stems from our belief in Jesus or Buddhism or scientific discovery or human progress or so on.  The problem arises when our conviction leads us to distance ourselves from those who live by a conviction not mirroring our own, when we lose our ability to interact with -- and, beyond that, to genuinely love and care for -- those who hold another perspective.

If we spent half as much time and energy concerned with whether people knew they were loved and cared for as we spend trying to protect our own reputations or guard our (or someone else's) morality, I'm convinced we would be more peaceful, joyful people...

God, I don't want to keep revisiting these old frustrations.  I believe You've shown me a better way -- one of love, compassion, understanding, sympathy, peacemaking, and trust -- trust that "You've got this," that judgment can be left up to You and that I am free to love with abandon.  There are still many in my circles who don't (and perhaps won't) understand where I am in my relationship with You or with others.  They fear I've taken a wrong turn.  They've been taught to fear.  But I continue to rest in my confidence that perfect love drives out fear.  And I'm choosing love.  I'm choosing to believe You are the One who can redeem divorces and same-sex attraction and addiction and depression, and perhaps not always in the way we think it ought to be done, with reversal or elimination as our only options, but perhaps by bringing new life from the death of a relationship or by teaching us to extend grace and acceptance to those we don't understand or by our choosing to love well in spite of struggles that never really go away.

I want to run ahead full speed in my belief that LOVE -- and presence -- truly is the way to which You've called me, and us.  Help me to throw off what hinders -- these old concerns about being misunderstood that repeatedly wrap themselves like chains around me, causing me to dwell in old patterns of self-righteousness and fear.  Please help me to trust and follow Your Spirit into greater freedom and deeper love.  Give me a humble heart and kill my pride.  Remind me each day that I'm no better than any other person.  Help me to love well.  Please make me a safe place for people to be real -- to share both their heartaches AND their joys.  Please let people experience Your unconditional love through me.  Make me a peacemaker, Jesus, seeking both justice AND mercy.  And give me Your grace to shake the dust when people don't understand.  Let me really leave the past behind and move forward into LIFE.

Read the Introduction and Part 1.